The Beautiful Woman here is my mother. She is A woman With a Super concept. She is very resourceful and brave. She is a warrior. I might have taken my father’s physical attributes but I think I took a chunk part of my mother’s resilient and tenacious attributes. She is no one to be cowed or bullied into silence. Guess what? She is a Divorcee and a Single Mother of over 20years.
The journey started in April 1997 (I can still recall though I was just about 9years then) After an unresolved issue between her and our father that lasted for couples of months, she proceeded to court and sought for the dissolution of their union and she was granted but the legal tussle over our custody took over a year to resolve. The court first gave my elder sister and I to her while my brother and our last born who was barely 2years was given to our father(she was to remain with our mother till she clocks 7years before my father could come for her) I can still remember all the drama that ensued between both families right in the court premises. My baby brother refused to stay with our father as he ran back to our mother the following day.
That was the beginning of Appeal upon Appeal by our mother for the court to grant her full custody of all her 4 children, stating obvious reasons before the court. At the end of over a year of legal tussle, our father decided to listen to the voice of good opinion and he gave peace a chance. They settled out of court and handed the 4 of us over to our maternal grandmother stressing that his only worry about us is our education and that’s why he wants us with him. My grandmother told him to lay his worries to rest.
All through the tussle, my maternal family stood solidly behind their daughter while suing for peace. They never left her stranded. We enjoyed and still enjoying maximum love and care from them. Though there were moments of emotional downturns but we pull through.
My father wanted us to go to Federal Govt Colleges/Unity Schools like his other older children but our mother insisted on sending us to community schools where her siblings are teachers. She wants to see us go to school and return back home daily under her watch. I can recall my father threatening her with his not going to pay our tuition fee if she didn’t allow us to go to his preferred schools. She never blinks an eyelid. In fact, she always allowed our father to take us through the stress of sitting for both Federal and State Common Entrance Examinations, secure the admission letters before she strikes with her own admission letters from her preferred nearby Day schools.
The only person that ever went to a boarding school among us is our last born. And that’s because her sister who was a teacher in the school we attended was transferred to one of the Boarding schools in Kabba Province of Kogi State before her last child entered Secondary School. She was there for only 3years before our mother moved her back to a nearby private Day College in Okene because of her Sister under whose custody her daughter was got terribly sick and died. Yes! Our mother was that overprotective of us all through.
Our father played along with her Rules and still do to date just for the love of us. Even when our mother initially tried to shield us away from him, we devised a means of always meeting with him without our mother’s knowledge. Our Grandmother was our secret keeper as we always keep the money we collected from our father with her (May God rest her soul) He never denied us of our tuition fee just to punish our mother. He caters to us as much as he could and still do. He is always around us in times of celebration and grief.
Today, 3 out of 4 of us are graduates while our last born is currently running her HND. 2 legally married with children. Our father is super proud of the Excellent Job our mother had done so far. He doesn’t hide his Appreciations as he always admits he might not have been able to do the job excellently as our mother did. They both have since moved on and done well even as our mother never remarried.
There is a huge difference between my father and many divorced men today. While he swallowed his pride, gave peace a chance, and rise up to his responsibilities as a father, most divorced men today abandoned their children for their mother to cater for, all in the name of punishing the woman and will only come back to partake in the celebration of their success later on. That’s pure wickedness.
The enablers of such injustice on women will shamelessly come online to attack divorced women and single mothers for voicing out. Some even want to bully them and attack them physically offline. I just pray they don’t come across the types of my mother because she will trash you with her tongue and the inferiority complex will set into your life afterward.
If you’re one of the enablers of such abuse and injustice, please avoid me because I see every deliberate attack on divorced women as an attack on my mother.
Divorce is not a crime. Don’t allow public court decide your fate in marriage. Leave to Live if you can’t endure the heat any longer and walk with your shoulder high.
I celebrate you, Momma. To reap the fruits of your labor, live longer in good health. Love you my Super Woman.
P. S. Sis. Maryaamah Onayi Abdulsalam, you are doing well. Don’t allow their words to get at you. They don’t worth it. Keep dotting your kids with love as you do always. God got your back always.
ARTICLE WRITTEN BY : Billy D. Saliu
I Am a Proud Anebira that loves and respect his culture, Because its my heritage, My Objective is to Take Ebira Culture/Language to the World.
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